the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You were trust falling into bushes
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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