Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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