before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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