Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize