He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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