Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
