You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
