Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
