if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
