I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
