Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
