If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
