i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
