I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
