He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
