Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
