Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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