are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
