WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
