I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
