The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
