I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
