i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
