I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
