Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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