my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
