when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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