I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
