is your mom at the bar?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
