my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Even my vagina gasped.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
