dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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