Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
