You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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