i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
