He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
