He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
