How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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