I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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