so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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