she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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