Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
