The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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