Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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