this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
time to smoke my breakfast
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
