Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
