You smell like stripper and shame
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
