All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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