Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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