I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
