i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
