ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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