areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
