Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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