just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
