So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
