I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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