Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
