Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
