if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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