I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
