I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
