I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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