OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
