I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
