dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
