there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
