Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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