mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
