I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Less talking, more tequila
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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