haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
