If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
