Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
