I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
