i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
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It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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