Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
