I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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