census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
