Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
