mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
